Hello AutumnGlow,

I’ve read most of the thread, and something that might help you cope with this is to accept that it happened, think about and understand why it happened and to be forgiving of yourself.

I can relate too, and as Anita said, you are far from alone in this.

I’ve learned from my own experience.  One thing that doesn’t help is to berate yourself for being human.  I’d also pay attention to your feelings of guilt (recognizing your husband was working hard to get extra money and you treating him the way you did) and your feeling of “how stupid you were.” These feelings are your conscience talking, and they also tell me that you value your husband and marriage and that you value yourself.  You recognize the guilt and why you feel guilty.  You recognize you were “stupid”, and why you acted on that.  (I am putting stupid in quotation marks because that is the word you used.  I wouldn’t be so harsh.)

You blame your loneliness for your actions, and I would pay attention to this too.  Have you talked to your husband about your feelings of loneliness and what you need from him?  Is he responsive? When people say marriage is work, this is some of what they are talking about.  A good marriage doesn’t just happen.  It takes a lot of communication from both people, understanding what each of you needs and how to meet those needs.  And both parties being open and receptive to working things out.

I would also urge you to take back the power you have within yourself.  This power will determine your thoughts and actions. It also puts the responsibility of your happiness on…you.  Your husband cannot be responsible for your happiness, but when you recognize you hold the key to your happiness, you are in the position of going to him and saying “I need this from you.”  And you go from there.

I hope this helps.

Airene

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Airene.