Well another weekend down.  I think the weekends are the hardest for me.  Missing her and the life i had with her.  The life of care free, stress free fun that we did have.  With my girlfriend now, It feels like there is stress everyday.  I told her that it’s hard for me because I was used to doing so much with my free time and even with my girls before, it was nice to have that life.  Now with my girlfriend since she has her kids full time all the time, we don’t do much of anything.  especially now.  Money is tight for her and that makes it hard as well.

My girlfriend said to me that that kind of life i had was not normal with kids.  That being busy with kids most all the time and not having time to ourselves is normal.  I agree and disagree with her.  Yes if you have kids 100% of the time then that is what is normal, however for me, only having mine 50% of my time.  I was able to have a fun life when i had them and when i didn’t.  It was very fun  and exciting.  in my entire life i don’t think i had done so much on my weekends and even during the week than i did in that year i was with my ex.  Maybe that’s what i miss the most?  I dunno.  Maybe when i was dating, that’s what i should of been looking for.  Someone that has that free time like i did and resources to be able to do all of those things?

I have talked to my oldest daughter(24) about watching the kiddos for us so we can get some time away, but the money part hits hard too.  That was another thing.  My ex did not have $ problems.  She did well for herself and could afford to do things without worry.  Now it feels like everything is down to the penny, and if we want to go out that that is what we look at and takes the fun out of it.  Where as before, my ex and i just did it.  If we wanted a weekend away, we rented a hotel or house and went.  Or just took off for the day or whatever.  No worries.  we would just go on the spur of the moment.  It was fantastic.

Now it feels like i’m stuck at home all the time.  No more fun.  I know it will get better.  just what it feels like.