Dear blkhwkdwn1:

I wish it was different for you, I wish you saw her regularly and had more of those experiences of summer before last, and that very last meeting you had with her. You mentioned suggesting to her to join her in the laundry mat, why not do that, suggest that to her?

There is that great emptiness in you that got filled just a little bit last time you saw her, but then away from her, you felt that emptiness more acutely than before, because it was temporarily filled. That emptiness is the loneliness of childhood re-experienced. A child feels things intensely and feeling alone, unloved, rejected, mistreated, those feel terrible. So the child does the best he can to survive that emptiness, getting used to it.

Then came she into your life, and it felt so good to have something good there where it was empty before.

What about calling her and seeing if you can join her at the laundry mat or such thing?

anita