Dear Sierra:

You wrote that breaking up with him feels so permanent and you are afraid to breakup and then regret it. I understand that sometimes he is nice to you and you had good times, laughing and so  on and you are afraid to lose that. Except you already lost it because you know him better now.

This is the point of a relationship, to get to know a person over time so to evaluate the relationship and decide if you want to make it permanent or not.

I think the reason you’ve been feeling and acting coldly toward him is because he killed your feelings for him by his own choices, his own behavior.

And so, allow him to experience the consequences of his choice of words and his behavior. Some things need to be so permanently ended, such as abuse and cruelty.

Here is a point: the cruelest, meanest people in the world are not always cruel. Sometimes they are kind and generous, sometimes they are funny and make people laugh. Unlike cartoon characters that are always Bad, people who are bad are not always bad. I write the word bad in regard to this man because he is practicing bad behavior: calling you names, dishonestly and selfishly manipulating you, and so forth.

anita