I’m losing interest in my boyfriend

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    Dear Sierra:

    You wrote that breaking up with him feels so permanent and you are afraid to breakup and then regret it. I understand that sometimes he is nice to you and you had good times, laughing and so  on and you are afraid to lose that. Except you already lost it because you know him better now.

    This is the point of a relationship, to get to know a person over time so to evaluate the relationship and decide if you want to make it permanent or not.

    I think the reason you’ve been feeling and acting coldly toward him is because he killed your feelings for him by his own choices, his own behavior.

    And so, allow him to experience the consequences of his choice of words and his behavior. Some things need to be so permanently ended, such as abuse and cruelty.

    Here is a point: the cruelest, meanest people in the world are not always cruel. Sometimes they are kind and generous, sometimes they are funny and make people laugh. Unlike cartoon characters that are always Bad, people who are bad are not always bad. I write the word bad in regard to this man because he is practicing bad behavior: calling you names, dishonestly and selfishly manipulating you, and so forth.



    Hi Sierra

    Sorry for my late reply, I’ve been away from the computer for a while.

    You said that he also says you “make” him say/do/feel things. This is again, the exact same manipulative behavioural pattern I experienced. He told me “you make me mad” and “you make me angry”. The truth is, you do not control his feelings or reactions. He does. It is just a tactic to put blame on you and pure mind games. I noticed other people have also told you that he has narcissistic traits and it is emotional abuse and I’m glad to see that you have made the decision to get out whilst you are still safe.

    In my experience, as he was living with me at the time, it made it very hard to plan how to end the relationship, as I was scared of him and what he would do. However as you don’t live with your boyfriend, it will make it easier to end the relationship. I would advise that you plan what you are going to say to him. Keep it short, assertive and to the point facts. Try not to go into how you feel, as this will be an opening for him to try and manipulate your emotions and undermine them. Keep it factual and state that you do not see it working out, you want to be on your own and go a different life path. You do not need to give his man specific reasons as he will try to twist these around too. I advise ending the relationship via phone call, rather than meeting up, or if you’re going to meet, then do so in a public place and make sure he is not able to follow you home etc. Narcissistic people only care about how they feel and how they look to others, so ending it in a public place makes him not be able to kick off and start shouting etc. After you break up, please block him on all social media and your phone. He WILL try to manipulate and charm his way back, but it is not genuine I’m afraid. He needs you for selfish and unhealthy reasons. It’s not love, care, trust or respect. People like this do not tend to change unfortunately and it is not your job to save him or anyone like this. I learned the hard way.

    Find your inner flame and power. You are the perfect age to start becoming an independent woman who loves and respects herself. Always put yourself first in every relationship you aim to go into. Never lose your own interests, passions or who you truly are inside for someone else. You are amazing and you can grow and learn from this.

Viewing 2 posts - 16 through 17 (of 17 total)

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