Anita, i’m really trying to understand all of this.  If my longing is for that, then how come i’m not feeling the same with my girlfriend now?  She gives me everything that i’ve been “longing” for.

It’s so hard to explain all of this and how i feel.  Everyday i go back and forth with feelings and emotions.  It seriously is so difficult some days just to get through the day.

Today for example.  My heart hurts so much.  I can’t explain it or why.

I have everything I wanted at home now, yet i feel like i’m missing something.  I’ve felt that way since she left me a year ago.

I hate that i can’t fix it.  Maybe that’s one of my issues.  I’ve always been able to fix anything that’s came in my life, with this.  I can’t.  I so bad want to just see her, grab her, and tell her face to face everything and tell her that we can make it work.

I know that’s not an option and that she has moved on with someone else.  Probably before she left me.  Maybe she is in love with this guy like I was her?  I don’t know.  I never will.

I can rationalize everything in my head, but then it still doesn’t sit right.   I did have a connection with  her that was unreal.  And it’s like I have this feeling deep in my gut that she still feels that way with me, but she can’t act on it.  It scares her too much or something.   I don’t know why or how I feel this way, but i do.

I’m just going to get thr0ugh today and hopefully tomorrow will be better.  Right now though it hurts like it just happened.  I feel so alone and miserable.  I hate this feeling.  I hate that this woman did something to me that has changed me in what feels like forever.

just needed to vent.  thansk