I have recognised today that ultimately the person who is in a relationship is more at fault here than I am. The guilt is mostly coming from the fact that I felt a lot of anger towards the person that my ex strayed with, and this has made me feel like a hypocrite.

I think it’s pretty natural to have some anger toward the person they cheated with. That’s just a response seemingly everyone has when that happens. I had an ex when I was younger that used to cheat on me constantly, 8 different girls that I know of. I was too stupid to leave back then. I used to get mad at the girls until I finally realized it wasn’t them, it was him. Most of them didn’t know me so why should they care about me or my relationship? Even the ones that did know me, the blame was still squarely on my boyfriend at the time. It was HIM that was supposed to be remaining faithful. It wasn’t up to the girls to make sure he did.

I am certain that my alcohol dependency comes mainly from two things; social anxiety and there being seemingly not much else to do socially where I live.

Alcohol gives me a false sense of confidence that I do not have while sober. It brings me out of my shell for a bit but then I end up doing things that I regret. I have always believed very strongly that people who do bad things when they drink simply should not, but I now realise that this is easier said than done.

I have been out to a drinking occasion before where I just had one drink as I want driving home. It was probably one of the most enjoyable times I’ve had with this particular group of friends and it was wonderful the next day to be able to remember everything and know that I did nothing out of character.

I totally understand this, too. I also live in a small area where there isn’t a whole lot to do other than go out to bars or stay home and watch movies, and alcohol brings me out of my shell, too, because I tend to be a little more subdued when I’m uncomfortable. Alcohol makes me feel comfortable. A little too comfortable. haha. I’ve made many mistakes over the years from being under the influence. Heck, one of my kids came from drinking too much one night (wouldn’t change it for the world, though). lol. I never ever drink anymore if I’m upset or sad in any way because I’ve learned that’s when I tend to make my biggest mistakes under the influence.

Over the years, though, I’ve also learned the key is to just drink that one drink to loosen you up just a tad (or two if you have a higher tolerance)… and then switch to something nonalcoholic. I have a lot of friends in bands and I love to go listen to them play, so I’ll just drink a screwdriver or something when I get there, and then I switch to just orange juice. That way I have something in my hand still to drink (so it tricks my brain into feeling like I’m drinking and I LOOK like I’m drinking as well. haha) but yet I’m not actually getting intoxicated. By the time it’s time to leave, that first and only alcoholic drink has worn off, I’ve had a great time, and I feel great the next day.  Maybe give that a try the next time you go out?