Hi Anita

you are right. I don’t trust men in general. My dad was a good dad but a horrible husband to my mother. They separated after 44 years of marriage. Then in my own personal relationships with men. My last bf cheated on me the entire time we were together. He lied a lot too. To be honest my gutt feeling tells me I can trust my bf, but it’s a struggle because of my past experience with men.

I asked him yesterday what inspired him to change. He said we love each other so he thought about it for a while and said that this is the only thing I ask of him. Besides I am attentive to him so he can do the same for me. I feel good about his response, because he came to that conclusion himself. He wasn’t forced or pressured by me. He just did it. He has opened up to me and shared a lot of intimate things about himself that I didn’t know.

I have learnt something. A lot of my behavior initially in the relationship was driven by fear. So I don’t think I was pleasant to be around. So last week I stopped worrying about what my bf is doing or not doing. I joined a gym. Started working out. I removed focus from him and started focusing on myself. Just simply living in the moment and taking things the way they come. By doing this I was able to just be and let go of the fear and anxiety.  I have tried this before but it never really worked because I was doing it to get a specific outcome or a certain behavior from my bf. This time it’s for me. The outcome doesn’t matter. So the anxiety and fear is no longer there. 🙂

also my bfs workload has diminished because he was able to hire someone to assist him.