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My bf blocked me and lied about it. Why?

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  • #234297
    Tanya
    Participant

    I’ve been dating this guy for 4 months now. We are exclusive and have been for 3 months. He’s out of town on business so we communicate via WhatsApp. As far as I know things have been going well. We spoke on Saturday and he told me he is going out into the field till Thursday and will not have reliable connection and will contact me when he can. That stroke me as odd but I trust him. He knows it so I said ok.
    So the next day I wanted to message him and I noticed I couldn’t see his picture on WhatsApp. So I used a friends phone to see if he was available on WhatsApp and sure enough he was.
    He didn’t block me on FB or IG. So I went on FB and told him I noticed he blocked me on WhatsApp. I told him that wasn’t necessary. I wished him well and told him I’d leave him alone. Then I blocked him on FB and IG. I had also sent him a similar text. I didn’t block him on my phone.
    I assumed he wanted to breakup with me and didn’t know how so he just blocked me so I can get the message. To my surprise he messaged me this morning via text saying that he had switched phones so didn’t have WhatsApp anymore. I was annoyed that he insulted my intelligence. WhatsApp is tied to your phone number and not your device! I didn’t bother responding and I haven’t till now. The only reason I can think of why he would lie about being in the field and blocking me is if he had another woman with him. I don’t plan on responding. I just want to see what his next move is. He knows I’ve blocked him on FB and IG. He can unblock me on WhatsApp if he wants to contact me.
    Guys. Why would you block your girlfriend and lie about it? We didn’t have any misunderstandings prior. We talked everyday. I guess I am both annoyed and confused.

    #234349
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tanya:

    I know nothing about the technology of those things you mentioned, therefore I ask: are you absolutely there is no other explanation to what happened, other than that he purposefully blocked you so to  send you a message that he is ending the relationship with him?

    Let’s say there is no doubt, that he blocked you and then lied about it. Why, you asked. Maybe because he fears confrontations, afraid of your reaction if he broke up with you in a straightforward manner. Did you notice him to be fearful of confrontations, during the four months relationship?

    anita

    #234381
    gia
    Participant

    Hi Tanya,

    I want to make sure I respond to the aspects I wanted to so I am block quoting and responding below the quote.

    “So the next day I wanted to message him and I noticed I couldn’t see his picture on WhatsApp. So I used a friends phone to see if he was available on WhatsApp and sure enough he was.”

    – A smart move to verify the fact, using your friend’s phone to double-check, Tanya. I have “muted” people on Whatsapp before, and I don’t know how it had appear on their end: no changes, no double check marks when they message me, or no profile picture and/or status and/or status update (my setting for all the above are for “people on my contact list only”). Maybe he did one of the above, or he could have blocked you. It’s anyone’s guess as to why…

    “He didn’t block me on FB or IG.”

    – This makes me hesitant about thinking he wanted to break up with you straight up.

    “I was annoyed that he insulted my intelligence. WhatsApp is tied to your phone number and not your device!”

    – I agree with you, girl. Why did he lie? Or was he clueless?

    “He knows I’ve blocked him on FB and IG. He can unblock me on WhatsApp if he wants to contact me.”

    – Note, if he were not to unblock you, it could equally be indication of 1) he did try to take the coward’s way out instead of breaking up with you or 2) an angry, retaliatory type response to your message to him on FB.

     

    What do you think about any of the above?

    Gia

     

    #234389
    Tanya
    Participant

    He does fear confrontation with me. But he knows I’m not the type to go all hysterical about a breakup. He tried ending it before because he felt like he wasn’t giving me the attention I deserved. I told him ok if that’s what he wanted. But we ended up working things out. I also was thinking if he was trying to end things with me by blocking me then why did he text me to go out of his way to lie to me? Im just confused. A guy friend of mine told me not to do anything. To just wait and see what he does next. If he does contact me after Thursday then I should talk to him about why he blocked me. If he doesn’t then I know he wanted out of the relationship. Im just confused and a little hurt because we didn’t have any misunderstandings that I know of.

    #234391
    Tanya
    Participant

    Hey Gia

    pretty sure he blocked me. This whole thing doesn’t make sense to me. At this point I’m going to keep him blocked on FB and IG and just wait to see what he does. I’d hope that if he wanted to end things he would have just let me know. We were making plans for a vacation and so much more.

    I will miss him dearly. He was my best friend. We talked everyday about everything. I don’t understand. I may never truly know why. One thing I am certain of is I will not be reaching out to him. If he doesn’t reach out to me then I know it’s over

     

     

    #234427
    gia
    Participant

    Hey Tanya,

    I would trust your intuition, trust yourself, in a confusing set of signals someone gives you such as this (“This whole thing doesn’t make sense to me.”) I have had to learn that, and girl, trust your guts.

    What you hoped was based on the way he was with you, which it seems to be not entirely true with his lying to you and being suspiciously up to no good. I wouldn’t continue to lean on that hope that was based on an aspect of him that you made up, which he has proven to you to be not the truth about who he is.

    I wish you will evolve to miss the friendship, not the person, so the days ahead wouldn’t be hard on you as you recover from the loss of him. The same kind of friendship can be recreated, with other people, male or female, yourself, a pet, etc… Miss the positive things about the relationships and build them elsewhere with others, to alleviate the fixation of one person who once provided them.

    What do you think?

    #234485
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Tanya,

    What gia wrote is the best advice ever! Make new enduring friendships with loyal, truthful people!! What you had with this guy may very well have been an illusion. But the real thing is out there and always has been!

    Yes, I’ve been through the inexplicable “blocking” drama traumas online. They block you somewhere for some semblance of control, I think. But it’s so funny that they keep at least one line of communication open!! And then deny that they ever blocked you!!!

    Hang in there!

    Inky

     

    #234495
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tanya:

    “My bf blocked me and liked about it. Why?… if he was trying to end things with me by blocking me then why did he text me to go out of his way to lie to me? I’m just confused”-

    We get confused when we expect other people’s behaviors to make sense, to be consistent, when we expect their words to match their actions. Problem is, often people don’t make sense and are not consistent. He blocked you maybe impulsively, not thinking it thoroughly, then almost forgot that he did, then came up with an explanation of sorts, a lie, I suppose, to get himself out of an uncomfortable situation/ feeling. His behavior was not planned in advance. He acted this way, then forgot or got distracted, then acted or said something not consistent. It is a form of unsuccessful multitasking.

    anita

    #234521
    Tanya
    Participant

    Hi Inky

    thanks. I guess I’m just hurt and confused. This wasn’t called for. I did message him and tell him that. He of course denied it. So he said he’ll be back online on Thursday. I’m just waiting to see if he will unblock me then or not. If he does then I’ll ask him again why he felt the need to block me and let him know I was able to see him online using my friends phone. So he definitely lied to me. He’s never lied to me. So I want to at least give him the benefit of doubt that he has a good reason.

    For right now I’m doing nothing. Well I did unblock him from social media just to see what he does.

    #234531
    Tanya
    Participant

    thank you Gia.

    I’m now starting to realize that he wasn’t who I thought he was. I was real and genuine with him and with any relationship I find myself in. I guess I expect others to be the same way, I have learnt the hard way many times. Sad thing is I had refused to date because I didn’t want to be vulnerable and get hurt again. My last break up was pretty bad and it took be years to recover. I just did not want to have to go through that again and so resolved myself to remain single and focus on my career, children and maybe one day grand-children. He came into my life very unexpectedly and I was clear with him about my expectations. I guess he was only able to hang in there for 4 months and used this trip as an opportunity for him to break away from the relationship.

    Many times I felt like this is not what he wanted. We would talk about it in a non confrontational way and I would give him the chance to leave. For example. Just a month ago I asked him 3 questions and I told him I needed to know so things would make sense to me again. First question was 1) Is he afraid of being in a committed relationship? He said no. He wants to be in a committed relationship and is not here to pass time. 2) Is he afraid of being in a committed relationship with me? He said not at all. 3) Are we in a committed relationship? He said yes and referred back to the “talk” we had a month into our dating. So after that I told him “We are still on the same page. I had to ask him these questions because people change and priorities change.” I told him I am still on the same page to which he said “I am glad”.

    I do feel better today than I did yesterday. I trust that everyday I will get a little better till one day I won’t even think about him again. 🙂

     

     

    #234533
    Tanya
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I guess that may have been what happened. He didn’t have to block me. He could have just told me he wanted out. He knows I am not the confrontational type. I don’t get hysterical. I am pretty level headed. At least we would have been able to end things on better terms.

    I do miss our daily conversations. But this too shall pass… I had blocked him on social media, but I thought about it and unblocked him. He can block me there if he wants. I have no intentions of ever reaching out to him.

    thank you for your kind words. I always like coming here just to read some of the articles and advise to peoples situations. Life can have its challenges.

     

     

    #234539
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tanya:

    You are welcome. Reads to me that you in the context of this short relationship you were attentive, you paid attention, presented the truth to him, meant for the relationship to make sense, to proceed logically to the satisfaction of both parties. You were honest and straightforward, asked questioned, listened to his answers… while he was not attentive, not thoughtful, nor was he honest and straightforward. It is a shame that he didn’t answer your questions honestly and thoughtfully.

    anita

    #234985
    Tanya
    Participant

    Thank you all for your insights.

    He has contacted me and insists he didn’t block me. But the evidence I have shows he did. He is adamant that he didn’t. So I told him I need a couple of days to clear my head.
    He can’t explain why everyone can see him and I can’t. He is not coming back home till February of next year. It’s a 4 month overseas assignment. So I don’t have the option to talk to him face to face except we do a video thing. Right now I don’t want to see him.
    I know that he has broken my trust. I whole heartedly trusted him till now.

    #234993
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tanya:

    You are welcome. Maybe technology is not 100% trustworthy, maybe he didn’t block you after all, is it a possibility?

    anita

    #234995
    Tanya
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    i don’t know. But I will show him the screen prints of me not seeing him on one phone and seeing him on another. I won’t talk to him immediately because I want to gather my thoughts. I’m not welcoming him back with open arms. If he did lie. It’s the first time that I know of. He gets ONE pass. If it becomes a habit then I can’t be with someone that’s a habitual liar.

    I’m thinking of saying something along this line to him. “It’s easy to know when someone blocks you. I still feel like you blocked me. You had your reasons. So I will leave things as is”

    what do you think?

    Sigh…

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