November 1, 2018 at 12:50 pm #235003giaParticipant
I said to trust yourself, and upon seeing your reply to Anita “I don’t know” to her suggestion that maybe he did not block you, makes me say it with more conviction: you are conflicted when entertaining that possibility, that makes me think that you know it is probably not possible (that he didn’t wilfully block you etc.)
If you want to — but it may prolong your anguish — you can verify whether he blocked you. Maybe by bringing the conversation when it is flowing, without his expecting it, over to Whatsapp. If he didn’t reply (didn’t get your message), then there’s some setting on his end resulting in his not getting your message. But I’m concerned that it involved a lot of mind games, and I for one would not be sure if I wanted to play a game that I might not win, especially since he *adamantly* denies and if the fact appeared to be contradictory.
I would probably not say “So I will leave things etc.” as it negates any other possibility of how it seemed he HAD blocked you. It’s kind of a sticky situation… what with he doesn’t come back till February. It’s giving me a headache.November 1, 2018 at 1:36 pm #235021
OMG! I spoke to my techie friend and she said to uninstall the app and reinstall it. Guess what? He’s there. Dear God! It was my phone.November 1, 2018 at 1:42 pm #235025
I just submitted a post to you and saw your most recent post, so I am typing over the message I just submitted. It was your phone, meaning he didn’t block you! My goodness!
November 1, 2018 at 2:47 pm #235037
- This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by anita.
it turned out that my phone was having issues. I uninstalled the app and reinstalled it and he appeared. Unless he just added me back. I didn’t think to try that initially.November 1, 2018 at 3:30 pm #235039giaParticipant
Congratulations on a happy ending!November 1, 2018 at 3:34 pm #235041
Yes Gia, Anita
thank you for the support these past few days. It just didn’t make sense. LolNovember 2, 2018 at 5:27 am #235087Feathering my nestParticipant
I’m happy for your happy ending as well!
There is a lot to learn from your reaction to this situation as well.November 2, 2018 at 6:19 am #235097
Will you (or did you) apologize to him for accusing him of blocking you, not believing him when he said he didn’t?
anitaNovember 2, 2018 at 8:25 am #235121
Yes. I explained to him what happened and he said he understands and it’s ok. ?November 2, 2018 at 8:37 am #235127
I think it is fine. No wonder to me that you were as distressed as you were over what happened. After all, people do lie, this is not something uncommon or unheard of. People do block people, very often.
And then, you’ve been dating him only four months, exclusive for three and he is overseas until February. To add to this, he already tried “ending it before because he felt like he wasn’t giving me the attention I deserved”. Add to it how much we trust and rely on technology, and taking in all the factors, I understand why you distrusted him and believed that he blocked you and did so intentionally.
What there is to learn from it is first, not to blindly trust technology. And then, to continue to communicate with him about how important trust is to you, how very important.
It occurred to me a moment ago to ask you about what I quoted above, him ending it before because he wasn’t giving you the attention you deserved. Was it following you expressing to him that he wasn’t giving you the attention you needed?
anitaNovember 2, 2018 at 9:23 am #235141
When he went overseas his communication started dwindling. The 7 hour time difference didn’t help either. I would message him. He’d read the message and won’t respond sometimes. One time we made a Skype date and he didn’t show up. I started getting really frustrated with him. So I told him how I felt. Maybe not in the most matured way. So he told me he was managing an office with 1200 employees. Now he is managing 2 offices with 2000 employees. He has several WhatsApp groups on his phone for work. His phone is constantly buzzing with messages from his employees. So atimes he’d read my message and say he’d respond later but then forget. That’s when I would feel like he’s ignoring me. Or I would see him online but he won’t read my message till the next day. He said he’s phone buzzes all night since he works for a global company so sometimes he just puts it on silent. So then I feel ignored yet again. He sent me a screen print of his phone and he had 96 unread messages waiting for him to go through. Just to show me that he is truly overwhelmed with work at the moment. He’s is planning to hire someone else while he’s overseas to manage that office so he doesn’t have to do it.
To be honest I have considered ending it with him because of his work schedule. Now this may sound selfish of me. But he has 2 nights a week when he hangs out with his friends. My thought process is so if you can carve out that time for them then why can’t you do the same for me. Once a week for an hour on video just so we can see each other and catch up. He hasn’t been able to do it. Maybe he’s done it once since he travelled. This makes me feel unimportant. We do communicate via chat. But I feel that is not enough. He doesn’t understand why I feel that way. So I just stopped nagging him. I’m not a nagger and this situation was making me one. I got really mad once and told him to go away and leave me alone. So he did. We didn’t speak for 5 days and I spent those days asking myself if I was asking for too much out of him. Of course it didn’t help that my sister told me to dump him.
So after 5 days I reached out to him and we talked. He told me that he really wants to give me the attention I deserve BUT work is killing him now. All I heard from him was he was making excuses. I feel like people make time for what they feel is important to them. He doesn’t make time for me because he doesn’t feel the need to. Because he knows I will always pick up the phone when he calls. Respond to his texts right away so why would he feel the need to make time for me when he knows I’m not going anywhere.
I truly love this man. But I’m honestly considering walking away because I just don’t feel like he cares for me as much as he says he does 🙁November 2, 2018 at 9:34 am #235147MichelleParticipant
“To be honest I have considered ending it with him because of his work schedule. Now this may sound selfish of me. But he has 2 nights a week when he hangs out with his friends. My thought process is so if you can carve out that time for them then why can’t you do the same for me. Once a week for an hour on video just so we can see each other and catch up. He hasn’t been able to do it. Maybe he’s done it once since he travelled. This makes me feel unimportant.”
To be honest, I’d feel the same way and I agree that one can find time for what they feel is important to them.
My advice would be to have a non-exclusive relationship until he returns and then see what happens. Long distance relationships are not easy. It sounds like you are giving more towards it than he is.November 2, 2018 at 9:46 am #235151
You might be making a mistake breaking up with him, if you choose to do so. Reads to me that his work really is “killing him now”. If he showed you evidence that indeed he is responsible for 2000 employees, then no wonder he doesn’t have much time for you. The fact that he goes out with friends two nights a week, it is understandable, he has to! He has to get outside the structure of an office or home to unwind and relax. A video chat with you will not do it because it will take place inside an office or a home. He needs to be out and about, so to unwind.
You have the right, of course, to end the relationship with him. But don’t do it because of not seeing reality as it is. Reads to me that you believe that he doesn’t care for you, that he takes you for granted, and so forth, but I don’t see it, not from what you shared. I see an overly busy man who has been honest with you.
Maybe he is a decent man. This work situation is the way it is until February, three months from now. If he is a decent man, what a waste it will be for you to end a relationship with him based on his understandable and temporary unavailability.
If you maintain the relationship with him, better not give him a hard time for working hard and his understandable and temporary (I hope) unavailability and need to go out twice a week.
anitaNovember 2, 2018 at 10:10 am #235153
I know Anita.
Thats why I am still with him. He is a great guy and has been honest with me from the beginning. I feel like I will regret it if I ended it with him prematurely. I decided to stop complaining because it’s the last thing he needs with everything that is going on at work. Talking to me should not bring him stress. So what I attempt to do is make the best of the little time he has for me. Its really hard with this long distance thing though temporary.November 2, 2018 at 10:11 am #235155
I struggle between what you have said and what Anita has said. 🙂