Shelby,

I caved in and napped! But luckily I still feel pretty tired so hopefully I will still have a good nights sleep!

However, I am finding myself struggling again. I know this relationship is wrong for me at this point. I know it. But everything about me wants to give it another try. I believe he made mistakes which hurt me in the process. I believe he didn’t intentionally want to hurt me. But at the same time I am aware that there is nothing that can excuse his behaviour or the hurt caused. It’s like I am unable to see him for what he has become, instead I still hope to see the wonderful man that he was throughout our relationship. I am going to try and read back through some of this thread to try and encourage some of my rational mind to come out again, I remember I had a really rational period a while ago and I honestly believe that is when I felt best about this whole ordeal.

I’m very nervous about starting my counselling journey tomorrow. I worry about the ‘spiral’ and ‘dark place’ I spoke of before and having to deal with that once the session is over and I have to come home to face reality on my own. It’s a tough one but I guess it’s just another thing I must get through.