Hi John

I laughed when I read your first post. No I am not in my early twenties. I am actually in my mid 40s. I lived a very sheltered life growing up. Went to an all girls boarding school. Got married young and divorced young and never really dated till I met my cheating ex. So I would say that my experience with men is sadly limited. But I am learning and growing day by day.

You are correct on the knee jerk thing. Also wanted to add that a month prior to all of this happening right before he travelled we got into a disagreement. Totally my fault. First time I had ever seen him upset. I sort of gave him space to cool off and reach out to me when he was ready.

Part of it was what Gia talked about and thinking that my fear is my intuition or my gut when in reality it’s not. Part of the argument was me finding “clues” that he is cheating when he wasn’t and really convincing myself that he was because I know the “patterns” from my past relationship with my ex. Since then I started journaling. I also remind myself that the “stories” I make up are all in my head and are not actual reality. So instead of calling him or messaging him with crap. I just journal instead and write all my thoughts down. The funny thing is when I go back and read my journal entry I realize how insane I sound.

T