Kkasxo,

Sorry for the delay in replying. I went to my gp after work with what I thought was a simple problem and all of a sudden I got extremely ill in the waiting room. I was dizzy and nauseous and completely off balance. Turns out I have vertigo! Lovely! He gave me an injection and monitored me for 30 mins, but I was not allowed to drive so I had to leave my car there and call a family member to bring me home.

I’m feeling better since I slept for a few hours thankfully, but I’ll be off work tomorrow and it’s just a time I don’t want to be off work. Also, I felt so vulnerable this evening and upset because I just wanted to call my ex to come look after me.

You sound like you’ve had one heck of a day. Well done. Well done on going ahead with therapy despite the nerves. Well done for addressing the scariest parts of your heart and mind. It seems impossible to conceive of now, but you HAVE started your healing process. You’ve chosen to do something to help yourself. Don’t worry about finding the answers, they often don’t come straight away, but you’re giving your emotions and hurt valid ‘airtime’. You’re acknowleding out loud what happened to you.

I do believe you will heal. Over the course of life people have recovered from the most horrendous of atrocities. You deserve to be happy therefore you have to fight for that better life. It may not be easy and it may take a long time, you might feel broken, but you’re not broken beyond repair. You have too much self awareness to let what happened destroy the next 30,40,50 years of your life.

Take it baby step by baby step and feel it out as you go.