Hi Anita

When I was married, I was married to a man that I trusted 100%. He was nothing like my father. But there was this thing I always felt he was missing. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. The marriage ended and we spent the last decade or so co parenting our children together.

I believe where my childhood wounds reared it’s head was when I met my ex bf. He reminded me so much of my father. For some reason that didn’t deter me from dating him. It was one traumatic relationship. Prior to him I had never been in a relationship with a man that cheated on me. The sad part is I knew he was doing it and I just acted like I didn’t know. Which is what my mother did with my father. I finally decided to walk away when the evidence just came to me and when I confronted him he acted like so what? You are here and she’s there so why are you worried about what am doing with her. In that moment I knew it was time for me to walk away. Which I did. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done.

The last 5 yrs after that breakup I had a general distrust for men and just assumed that they all cheat. Until I went into therapy and realized that the friends I had were all in very unhealthy marriages with cheating spouses and all. I decided it was time for me to break away from those relationships. In the 5 years 3 of my siblings got married and started families. I can say that my brothers are wonderful husbands to their wives and my brother in law adores my sister. I realized that it is possible to be in a relationship with someone that will be faithful to me. Looking at my siblings relationships with their spouses I realized that it’s better to wait for the right person for you. It’s like they were meant to be together.

I realize that it’s a process to overcome this. I’m still in therapy.  The first step is me being aware of it. I told my bf of the trust issues I have because of my past bruises and he has been very patient dealing with my “crazy”. He has given me everything to make me trust him other than passwords to his accounts which I don’t think it’s necessary because he hasn’t given me any reason not to trust him.

Just like John said I am really working on realizing that my bf is not my ex. Everything about him is NOTHING like my ex. And has you’ve pointed out I need to observe him overtime which requires a lot of patience. I’m really looking forward to him coming back for good so we can continue to grow our relationship.