Dear anita,

I hope I can find a way to make a contribution someday, but at the moment I’m still struggling to support myself. Sometimes I feel so useless 🙁

Today this guy (o.K. let’s call him K., because it seems weird to always write “this guy”) wrote and asked if we can meet tomorrow. I would like to meet him very much, but I also got an eye infection at the moment. Two years ago I had herpes zoster and my eye was affected too. Since then, it sometimes surfaces when I’m stressed. So I wrote him that and that I would love to meet him, but that I can’t shake his hand and we would better be careful. I wrote we could talk or go for a walk and explained the situation. And I also wrote, that I would understand if he doesn’t feel comfortable meeting me even though I would really like to see him. He didn’t respond and then went offline… Maybe he needs to think about how to respond?

Was it weird that I wrote that to him? I think it’s better to be honest and letting him know. Better than infecting him! But it might come off as very weird? Because I was sick very often when we were seeing each other last summer… I had a bladder infection and also lip herpes. The herpes thing has me very worried, because it got so serious in my case, I even had to go to the hospital two years ago. So I worry a lot about it. I’m a very anxious person, in therapy the provisional diagnosis was that I have avoidant personality disorder and a softer form of depression. I wonder if it has something to do with this illness and if I exaggerated?

But to be honest, it would be nice if he at least said something….