When people tell me I have to do things for me and me only, to figure out what I want, it always comes down to this: I want to be part of a healthy relationship, I want a family of my own.

I’m not sure what that advice means. It is important to pay attention to the things that engage and inspire us however that more often then not involves engagement with others. I prefer to think in terms of he middle way. Helping and working with others is an excellent way in determining what it is we want for ourselves, which an attitude of “only for me” might get in the way of.

Perhaps your friends meant that it is important that your actions come from an authentic part of yourself. Its understandable with your current changes that you’re not sure who that is yet, and that’s ok. Exciting even, as it opens the doors to possibilities.

My observations have been that discovering those as yet unknown parts of ourselves come from engagement with life as it show up, eyes open and strong boundaries, but without trying to force it to conform to ‘the way is must/should be…(which would be a strange thing to do when you aren’t even sure what you ‘want’… we all do it anyway)

That said having a goal of being part of a healthy relationship is a good one. A place to start is to understand for yourself what that would look like. What do you expect from yourself with regards to relationship? What are the exceptions you have for a potential partner? Lots of people have the goal yet few do the work.

You might find the Book by David Richo ‘How to be a Adult in Relationships’ helpful. It is a wonderful guide