Dear Anita,

I would just like to clarify that my fear of being murdered is very irrational and pretty much is the worst case scenario if I am anxious. It only really affects me if I am highly anxious or tired, and it has only been to that extent in the last 6 months, I do believe it has got to that point because my brain knows she is angry at me and so it spirals with that idea.

The thing is I have been financially dependant on my boyfriend and last year he paid for my rent which took a toll on me as it was a large sum of money. Even though I was grateful for it, it did lead me to wonder “am I only with him because of money?” – of course that is not true, but at the time my brain ran with the idea and ultimately the belief that I was with him for any other reason than love caused me to leave the relationship because I felt as though I was lying to myself and him. It turns out all I needed was some space to figure stuff out.

Ultimately I need to just decide him or her. It seems so simple, but the problem is that I resent that I even have to make that choice because I am a problem-solver and I am sure there is a compromise.

The concert plans have not worked out, however, I am going to see my boyfriend and spend the weekend with him. I still have irrational trust issues tho (the whole someone who loves me will hurt me) but I have decided to make a conscious effort to believe that there is trust, if I believe it enough I might be able to go back to my old way of thinking that didn’t question everything.

– V