Hi Anita,

The anger at those who already hurt me is one such example of the things that I was suppressing while using cannabis daily. Since quitting I have made good progress and in fact contacted the ex partner from my first relationship to tell her that I had been holding on to grudges and bad feelings which I have now let go. It was eating away at my soul, taking chunks from and leaving bite marks in each relationship since. I simply hadn’t realised being so wrapped up in the escapism of being stoned all day, every day.

The fear, I fear, is a completely different beast. I am not angry with my recent ex as in that I have bad feelings or grudges toward her, I am angry that she had so little respect for me (us) to handle the situation as adults. I was very clear many times that we needed to talk even if it meant going our separate ways and that we could do that in a way which would allow us to be civil. My fear now is that of crossing path’s with her and how it will affect me. We live very close to each other less than a 5 minute walk and I don’t feel I can leave the house because of it, it’s irrational I know. Not even sure what the actual fear is. I really don’t want to miss works xmas meal because she is going to be there so I indeed want to conquer this fear.

I have acquired the book Peter mentioned as an audio book and have started listening to it. Mindfulness seems a great place to start I just have to find the determination to stick with meditation as it seems quite a lot to take in as i’m feeling drained from negativity.