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Kkasxo,
You’re in an impossible situation and handling it as best you can. I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle it as well as you are right now. I still think it comes back to the situation where ye need to live together now. Alone. Develop your own life as a couple that has no interference from family responsibilities etc.
Also, you are entitled to feel how you feel. Feelings can rarely controlled and one thing I learned many years ago after the end of a friendship and I read it somewhere and thought it was so apt…..if someone tells you that you’ve hurt them, you don’t get to tell them that you didn’t! Feelings are feelings, and you were entitled to feel how you felt last evening and saying that ‘it’s blown out of proportion is minimising your feelings and your importance.
I used to dim down my feelings sometimes with my ex because he had such difficulty with emotion and I realise that wasn’t healthy. He should have loved me as I am, emotions and all. Stay away from the sister, there’s no need for you to be friends. As I wrote previously, I thought I got on really really well with my ex’s sister who lives abroad until a recent family event showed she was far sharper than I knew and she hurt me. So I decided, that’s it, I’m not putting myself into a situation where I can be hurt by her again. At the time though my ex was absolutely staunchly angry at his sister and though he’s not one for confrontation ever, he just stopped talking to her and responding to her contact. Even after we split, when I had that conversation on the phone with him and I explained that his sister had texted me, he apologised that she had been in contact and said he didn’t realise she had contacted me because he still hadn’t spoken to her really since that weekend.
So he didn’t do a lot to make me his future but he stuck up for me, even when I suggested NOT being angry with his sister, he took my side. My sisters husband has a big family he loves but will always stand by my sis first and foremost, both my sisters husbands actually. I think that’s the way its meant to be.
It might be just a bit too soon to be thrown back into all the family situation at his house yet, maybe keep to meeting in your place or neutral ground.
The funny thing is, anyone reading my thread will think I’m such a doormat, would accept anything from my ex now, even if it’s not what I deserve, I always made him the priority etc and they’re not wrong. But I used to be well able to go. I traveled alone and have so many friends and family to this day, but everything is different now. Back then I didn’t know what I was missing, ignorance was bliss. Now I know what it’s like to be with him, being without him just seems so dreary and dull. I’m not dealing well with it at all. I’m either in denial or despair.
It might be easier for you if your ex walked away, but it hasn’t been any easier for me. I always want things to work, to control things, how do I control this? How do I make it work when I can’t control him? I’m not coming to terms with that at all. It’s getting worse each day to be honest. Know clue what to do, advice is that thoughts control feelings, so change your thoughts, so then I try and be positive and distract – but then they say you have to feel the pain to work through it- so i’m all over the place!
If time would do it, fine…I’ll wait. But 10 weeks later, nothing has changed. I’ll give it another 10 weeks and see, but I’m not convinced!
I plan to stay with my sister tonight, although I’m actually exhausted. But she’s heavily pregnant and has a toddler so I try to help on weekends with getting up early with the toddler so his mum and dad can have much needed hour or two extra in bed. But tomorrow, I wouldn’t mind an hour or two extra in bed myself! But I’ll be fine. As for tomorrow and Sunday, I’ve no plans yet – I’ll have to think of something. Sunday evening my family and I are supposed to be going for dinner for my birthday which is on Monday, but we’re not sure at the moment as we are waiting on news of our elderly relative who is extremely unwell.
Would you go back to the gym later to vent out some of the stuff circling in your head?