Dear Anita,

I cannot express how your last response echoed my exact thoughts. I have ended things again, and for good because I am not messing him around anymore. I have already inflicted pain I never wanted to inflict on him.

I am taking steps to heal e.g. making sure I set aside “down time” alongside being productive. All worrying given me is medical and mental health issues, so I am making sure I find a routine and lifestyle that aids the best version of myself.

My mother is still giving me the silent treatment due to me getting back together with my ex. At this point I am done playing these mind games and even though in the back of my mind I am a bit worried, I am aware she has a phone and has decided not to get in touch. So for now I am enjoying not being criticised or having to defend my life choices.

In terms of my ex, I love him and always will do, but as hard as it is for me I need to put myself first and become stronger, defeat the overthinking and paranoia, which is most likely caused by stress. I have asked him if we can be friends, I did not see the point in saying anything massively heartfelt because he’s practical and will just be like “if you love me why are you leaving me!?” , so I have just chosen the option which gives him time to heal but also so I don’t completely loose him.

Today I have busied myself but I have also been worrying about him, is he okay? have I caused him to spiral out of control?! how could I hurt someone so much?

The worst part is I broke things off via text, because I felt like every-time I tried to do it over the phone the words wouldn’t come out right. As for myself, I am feeling rather lost, although I got what I ultimately wanted which was complete control over my life. It seems as though that it rather lonely.

I am sure I will survive, I have been through worse, I just feel like I have ruined someones life. Is that too dramatic?

How are you doing? Have you got any plans for this weekend?

– V