Dear Yuhan:

It is a bad idea because the  only hope for a child is to fix the relationship with her parent/s. She has nowhere  to  go, so she tries to fix the father that beats her so that he stops beating  her. Her focus becomes the aggressive parent. She makes adjustments, adjusting her  thinking  and  behavior in that effort.

It  is those  adjustments that are in your way of a healthy adult  living.

When you still try  to  fix him, you are continuing  to  make  those adjustments. Healing is about undoing some of those adjustments, not keep practicing  them!

(You can think and write next about the adjustments you made to living with your father)

There is a big world out there with billions of people. Your chance to  have a healthy, loving relationship is not with the same man who beat  you until you were 20. Better choose another man out  of the billions out there.

anita