Go and see a specialist. Do so for at least a year or more. You yourself admit that you are not likely to share anything about how you’re feeling with others but as you continue to bottle up your emotions without letting it out, you are experiencing the backlash right now. Emotions are there to let you know whether you are doing okay but you continue to compress it inside without trying to understand it because you fear the judgment of others. And it’s reasonable because not everyone is kind enough to accept your emotional problem as you being human. So go out there and find someone who won’t blink at what you tell them because in the end what is stopping you from opening up is you yourself. Find the courage to seek professional help, find the courage to look inside and address that dead weight, emptiness, fear. You are the only one who can help yourself right now by finding that courage to take that first step.

Best of luck.