Dear John:

Back in May I suggested that you were a histrionic person, that is, exaggerating your emotions on this thread and getting a thrill doing so, like an actor performing for an audience and enjoying the performance. I was wrong. I think that  you are quite sincere and have been sincere all along, really feeling what you are feeling and venting here so to feel better, just like you said you were doing all along, venting.

Throughout your thread you were consistent about what happened, no lies; you seem to be an honest, decent person, an asset to your current girlfriend, taking care  of her kids daily, helping her or being willing to help her financially when she takes a less paying job or shift, and as  I am typing  this, you are spending time with her alone in a cabin you rented while having arranged for her kids to be taken care of elsewhere.

You wrote two days ago regarding your ex girlfriend: “Bottom line though is that I miss her tremendously. It’s been killing  me these last couple of days. I really feel like I’m just starting to grieve all over again. I don’t understand how it’s been a year later and to me it feels like yesterday”

Your feelings for your ex girlfriend have been remarkably persistent all through your postings more than six months now, and regardless of you having  an ongoing relationship with your current girlfriend whom you do love.

I don’t think you should fight these feelings for your ex anymore, I don’t think you should hope to not feel this way for her anymore, or to feel this way  for your current girlfriend or for anyone else. I think it is a once  in a lifetime thing. I still think it is a reactivation of an early childhood longing  for another woman, one you no longer remember loving at all, your mother. But that is besides the point.

“very confused-new girlfriend, ex girlfriend. Help me please”- here is  my offer of help: accept what you feel for the ex to remain. It was a once in a lifetime emotional experience. Not going to happen again.

Is life still worth living? I hope so. Take what you can get, a pleasant experience here, a joy there, take what you can get. Keep being  the honest, decent  person that you are, love and be loved in return. But stop comparing, stop expecting, stop struggling. Accept what happened to  not happen again.

If posting here is fueling your hope to feel that way  again, to feel like you felt then, better you don’t post anymore. Grieve instead the death of that hope.

anita