Kkasxo,

You’re right about setting goals, I wish I could get to that stage. I just don’t seem to be there yet. I guess I’m still clinging to the past. Still clinging to the relationship. While I have not contacted him yet, it has not been for the strength of my will and thinking I deserve better. I have just not contacted him because I’m scared of the outcome and also because I keep putting it off, saying the weekend or another day would be better timing for this reason or that.

Someone asked me in the past few days how I’m feeling and they think I’m doing really well. Then they asked me if my ex changed his mind would I take him back and I didn’t even hesitate – I said absolutely. So that’s how I know I’m nowhere near getting over this.

The contact from his sister yesterday only served my own agenda of keeping it alive in my head. It’s frustrating. I feel like I’m going to contact him this week, but who knows if he’ll agree to speak with me. If he does, what on earth do I expect to get out of it? Will I be back to square one?

I feel like my life is on hold and I’m not really living this new life, just waiting for the penny to drop or for things to magically revert to the life I know.

How was your weekend?