Kkasxo,

I will keep mulling over having conversation with him, but I will try not to kid myself, it will be to hold on to a connection with him, for it not be be completely over. So rationally speaking, that’s probably not healthy and yet the heart wants what it wants.

Definitely timing could be an issue with your boyfriend as he is young yet in terms of men settling down to a particular deadline, but I hope he speeds up to be on the same page as you, because I guess that’s what relationships are about…being on the same page.

I can’t believe you are going abroad, that’s fantastic. It will be a lovely change and you are quite right….you have managed many milestones this year without him and survived, this will just be another accomplishment for you and it will be fab. He will survive! I don’t blame you for wanting the year to end as it has been traumatic and upsetting for you. I find I’m on the other end of the scale in the sense that the further I get away from a time when I was with my ex, the further away I am from ‘us’. That might sound weird I guess, but there are times too that I wish time away to a magical future time when everyone says I’ll feel better.

To make yourself self-sufficient is the key to loving yourself in a way I think. Once you know you can make it on your own either way – there is a great power in that. Well done!

I actually don’t have much time off over Christmas this year, so I’ll be back in the office just after Boxing Day, but honestly I don’t mind too much as I’m pretty sure I’m going to find the whole season pretty depressing. Also I kinda volunteered as my lovely colleague has to travel a distance to go back home and it’s easier for me to come in rather than her travel back.

I feel like I’m on an even keel this week in terms of emotions, but I’m afraid it’s because I have new hope or something or am in denial. I question everything! darn overthinking!

I’m excited about this evening, my friends and I are going to a castle for dinner as a special treat, so at least it’s something different! However, it’s closer to where he lives! Eek!