Shelby,

Yes perhaps leave the talk for the time being. At the end of the day remind yourself that the option is always there IF you feel it’s suitable at the time, this may put your mind at ease a little.

I’ve unfortunately spent the whole evening in a&e with my little sister and just got home. She’s slightly better and we’ll be keeping her under close observation but I’m just drained now. Everything about my ex and his sister in particular right now is agitating me. He’s gone up to stay at her house tonight and that in itself has annoyed me – I realise that’s out of order or maybe even irrational but it’s the truth. And here I go again into complete withdrawal. Likelihood is I won’t speak to him for the majority of tomorrow because that is just what I do now when I start feeling a bit too much. It’s like a never ending cycle for me at the moment. It’s a shame because when things are good they are great and half of the time he’s not even done anything wrong but all of those doubts creep up on me and I end up withdrawing. Any tiny little detail at the moment can bring up doubts. When will I actually learn and accept that this just will not work?!

On a brighter note, I managed to get myself to the gym today for a quick 40 minute session! First time in two weeks or so! I must get myself back in the swing of things because I’m putting on some pounds and it’s not helping my already low self esteem! Especially knowing that I’ll put on weight over Christmas, that’s a given!