I am so impressed with you, Shelby. I really am. There’s so much I want to say to you. First, those things your ex used to tell you that you’re kind, caring, smart, etc., I think he really meant them. I’m just going off of what I’ve read from you on both this and the other thread and as a complete stranger even I can see those things in you. As for the “competent” part — I was going to say earlier that I’ll bet you’re very good at your job. I’ll bet when you miss a day of work your boss really feels it. You come across to me as thorough, conscientious, and very sharp.

Anyway, when you look back and think that none of the guys in your life ever thought you were “worth it”, why do you believe that is? I mean, if you could identify one or two qualities about yourself that you think are factors in this, what would they be?

I grew up in a house full of brothers and boy did I learn a lot from them while they dated in their teen years, twenties, and on into their thirties before settling down. One thing I learned is that as soon as a girl made one of my brothers the center of her universe, the relationship started to go south. I think that many, maybe even most guys want to be with a woman who has her own ambitions, goals, hopes and dreams that are totally independent of her relationship, someone who is genuinely happy and can have a great time even when he (her man) is not physically present, someone who is strong and who he admires. Once a girl started to adjust her own life plan, drop her hobbies and/or friendships, compromise her dreams in order to make herself more available and keep her man interested, it actually made him less interested. If your ex believes that he alone holds the key to your happiness, that he’s your only chance for it, it may be too much pressure for him to bear. There’s a very good chance that I’m way off on this, Shelby, but I wanted to share it with you anyway.

You say that you are only recently open to the prospect of marriage and children? Why only recently?

B