Kkasxo,

So, apparently a healthy solid relationship is one where partners move away (metaphorically and physically) from the family of origin and build a family of their own. According to my psychologist anyway he says this is most common process for adults who grew up with loving, understanding and supportive upbringing etc. He tried to explain to me that I should be or have been my ex’s priority. Like the question he asked me once- if me and my ex’s mum were drowning at sea and he could save one, who would he save. Without hesitation O said his mother, to which my therapist shook his head. He said it’s more natural to save the partner who you would build a life with. Obviously though very sad, he is supposed to let go of his family of origin. It doesn’t mean you don’t care and don’t do wonderful things for them, but you work on building your own life, your own future.

My ex to this day still feels responsible for his parents and the older they get, the more so. In all his protests about needing to be a lone wolf and not in a relationship, I believe he was fooling himself that he’s a lone wolf and deep down, he doesn’t realise his attachment to the role of responsibility is stalling him. Anyway, just a few things resonated with me about your guy. It’s understandable to have great regard for your family, but YOU should be his priority now. You first and then his family after, but your feelings need to be most important. So I hope he cops on to that.

In a way I envy your trip abroad for Xmas. Just to get away from everything and pretend it’s not happening and leave the pain and trauma and heartache and stress behind. But realistically for me I think I’m way to fragile to move from my cocoon! I do believe it’s going to do great things for you, I think you should really see it as a break away from everything and enjoy just being in the moment.

As for me, the plan was to contact him this eve to arrange a meet up tomo- if he’s even still around- but of course- I’m bawking at the last minute again. Too scared to do it! 🙁