Dear Valora,

Thank you for your feedback. You see one key aspect here is that they went out 10 years ago so it isn’t like it’s a recent relationship, but it still gets to me at times and recently I have expressed to my boyfriend that I don’t want to come across as controlling and not have him see her, I just want him to sometimes think “isn’t this something her boyfriend should be helping her with”.

In terms of her staying over I do understand why because hotels are expensive and she commutes so it is easier for her to stay at his and go to work today.

In terms of my ex’s, we did not stay in touch and even if we did I would not go above and beyond for them in the way he has for her, however again, like you pointed out you are also friends with an ex.

At times she has gone to a friends that lives nearby, hence another option she could take, meet him for a meal/catch up then stay at a friends. I know it is the easier option to stay at his and that I doubt anything happened.

I am sure if she knew how I had stayed up all night journal-ling my anxieties and just imagining them having sex (stupid brain) then she would not stay over.

I think one key aspect here is that he has stated that we will only work if I am okay with him being friends with these people. I honestly do not think he understands or wants to understand my point because as soon as he feels like someone is telling him what to do he will not do it.

The message he sent me should have been awh thats nice reassurance at least he’s telling me- but instead it felt like he was trying to push my buttons.

Anyway, I could not stay awake after 10am so I have spent my day asleep which has ruined my schedule, I hope tonight I can catch up on sleep. I am a lot more relaxed now.

On one hand I am happy he keeps me informed about things because at least he isn’t seeing people behind my back. I do believe I have brought this problem on myself as I wanted to know about his past relationships and for us to be really open with communication, but when I wanted to know about these relationships I did not expect for him to still be actively helping in these peoples lives such as lending them money, helping them through big life changes. Again, I am torn because this is another thing he would do for anyone he knows but I don’t like feeling like there’s more feelings there. Ultimately, I don’t like feeling insecure and as if everyone knows something I do not.

Although, his family and some of his other friends have made comments about him being so close to his ex so that helps me feel like my views are validated to some degree.

Sorry for another rant. Thank you ever so much for your reply it was nice to wake up to (: I hope your day has been better than my own.

– V