Good Morning all,

I have not slept and therefore I apologise if this post is not as concise and a bit ramble.

I am currently trying again with my ex. One issue I am working on is trust. We had a falling out because he was annoyed that I kept saying I didnt trust his ex’s and he disputed this by saying that I should trust him to push them away if they made a move. This is understandable and I now do see his point of view.

However, I do think that if you believe someone has still got feelings and would act on them (sober, drunk, regardless of emotional state) then I think you should still see them but try and see them in a group or just set boundries.

So for this relationship to work he needs evidence that I am okay with him seeing these women. He met up with one of them last night, I was busy and didn’t think about it – that was until he sent me a message that said they had gone for drink/food and that she was staying over. Now in his mind that was his was of reassuring me, although unfortunately, this set me off into a spiral of irrational and rational thinking.

So that is why I am still awake and now stubbornly staying awake because my body clock is messed up already and I have stuff to do.

The thing is I should not be this anxious about the situation, it should not be affecting me this much to the point where I cannot sleep and will not relax until I hear from him at some point today where he will probably tell me they had a good catch up then watched youtube videos, then tell me how he slept on the sofa or something. Give me reassurance.

The fact that I know that is the likely outcome of their meetup is a good sign, but the main thing that gets to me is that I do not understand why he is putting so much into these relationships with two people who betrayed him really badly, maybe it is validation? most likely, it is just because he is a nice person. But he has so many friends he doesnt put the same effort into which is what spirals my irrational brain to think “he must still love them”, “maybe this is his way of keeping his options open” and then I just end up being like why won’t they just go away.

You see I am aware you can be good friends with an ex, and even when I broke up with him I requested we remain friends, but in my mind that meant I would talk to him now and again then gradually once a week would become once a year and we would both move on. To me that is how it works.

I do not think I will get my point across properly right now but my ultimate question is has anyone else had a boyfriend who has kept in close contact with ex’s to the point where they have helped get them a job at their workplace, help them move house – I guess help with big life events? I am aware that this may come across immature but it would be nice just to get a response from anyone who even just is finding it difficult to deal with a partner’s ex’s if they are still around as it were.

I will post an update later after a cat nap or something.

I should add that I have journalled about it so I do feel better than I did five hours ago, I am just concerned that it has affected me so much. My boyfriend does not realise the effect it has on me, for example, because I knew they had had drinks, her relationship isn’t going too well and that me/him have been on/off then I have been in a state of fight or flight all night. I have told my ex about this but he just says that hes not doing anything wrong and that I need to go and see someone about my anxiety. Or just gets annoyed that I don’t trust him.

It’s a recurring issue for me and all I want from him is understanding. At times deep down I think I almost want him to tell me he wants her because he’s treated her like a girlfriend (thats my irrational brain talking as my ration brain says he’s treated her like he would treat any friend).

I will post this and try to plan how I am going to manage the day with no sleep.

I would appreciate any replies

– V