Hello,

I’m sorry to write again… I think you already gave a lot of advice to me and won’t know what else to say.

At the moment I just feel overwhelmed… I try to focus on the present, but I feel very hopeless… Will it ever get better? It seems my problems are even bigger than I thought.

My therapist told me that “she can’t feel me”. Appearantly I’m not expressing what I feel, but only express thoughts. After the last session I felt so confused… She said also that I can ask her how she feels and that she will tell me her honest opinion, without going easy on me. I only said “yes, o.K.” to that, because I already was so overwhelmed at that point. She had asked me a lot of questios, like “On a scale, how open are you with  me?”. And I didn’t know what to answer. I got nervous, but I only realized that, when she asked. She asked how does therapy make me feel? Do I like to go to therapy? I said that I felt neutral, but later realized, that I was very uncomfortable.

Now I’m wondering how I made her feel, what she wanted to tell me. Am I too unattainable? Do I tell things that put a strain on her? Am I egoistical? Do I make others feel bad?

I also visited K. last week and I didn’t feel comfortable. And probably made him uncomfortable as well. I felt not so good after that visit. I don’t know if a normal relationship will ever be possible for me. I don’t know if I will ever be o.K.

At the moment, I try to focus on other things, I try to work on my art projects, but it’s hard. I’m feeling agitated and hopeless.

I will work some more now, do yoga later. Hope it helps.