Dear Anita,

I know exactly what you mean.  And have even thought about this..  Here’s the thing.  Sometimes I think about how she is harmed “more” and sometimes I don’t. In reality, she is not harmed more.  To be quite honest I think about it more like this, my mother is the victimizer and my sister and I are BOTH the victims. (in reality it is not a concept that she or I or anyone had it “worse” because the true reality is that we suffered from a mother who did not provide us true love, foundation, and support)

The way I see it is like this, and sorry if it is graphic.  There are 2 girls who are raped by the same man.  One is older, and has some more things going on in her life.  The other is younger.  They both suffered trauma and abuse from this man.

Now, the older one, has made progress to work through her trauma, and she is extending a hand to the younger one.  But – as you can see, it is impossible for this rape victim to help the other one process her trauma.  Not only is it not possible, it also makes the older one regress back into traumatic patterns and ways.