Dear Annie,

as I said Coprolalia does go in the right direction, but for those with Coprolalia the involuntary aspect seems to be much stronger to me than what I do. I don’t swear or shout in public, for example (with a very few exeptions). But then these disorders often have a spectrum and maybe I am on a lower spectrum?

Keeping a log is difficult since I end up thinking “where to write it down”? I would never use my smartphone for that since I don’t trust google. Using a notebook there might be a chance of someone seeing it.

But I can say that its happing more when I am agitated or thinking about old stuff. Recently there was this event of I group I am part of, it went very well the whole evening, I even made two announcements without shivering in fear. They were not very well put but it didn’t matter and everyone was smiling. Things went south only afterwards. We needed to leave this place at a certain time though people might have wanted to stay longer, so beeing part of leadership I said well don’t stress yourselfs but we need to get going. And they did they were really wonderful, packing everything up. But in the end there was a moment where everyone was still standing around and then looking at me for some reason and I was like “well off you go” with a slight military tone (half joke). And they did, but five minutes later I thought “yeah or you could have said Merry christmas and see you next year”. I was really down then worrying what people are thinking of me beeing so unfriendly. And then later I realized that we might not have needed to hurry so much. I spend the whole way back and the next day agonozing and shouting stuff. Was really tough and I think my brain was just burned out from all the socialisation and stress from acting “wrong”.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Lara.