before i met this woman, i actually have some plans.. i used to have a plans like..get a job someday after i finished my study and then do everything what i want, do some bad and crazy things like drunk, using drugs, sleep with anyone i want to.. then kill myself. believe it or not,that’s my plans.. and i used to think about this plans like when im 17-18 years old i guess….and  is it weird i feel so excited to think about that plans and im so excited to just kill myself in the end? , i already hate my life that much even before i met her. but after i met her i feel so happy and somehow im not thinking about that dumb plans anymore, after i met her i always think about to meet her there in her country and then spend my whole life with her.  i dont know what to say about my life anymore anita… im so lost and confused right now, i dont know who i am, i dont know should i keep living or not, i dont kow what my life is…