Dear Agnes1205:

Before you met her, before you knew she existed, you hated your life (“I already hate my  life that much even before I met her”). You lived then as you do now with your parents who are usually not at home, unemployed, a college student, but not a busy student, “usually just listening to some music and maybe sometimes just stare at  nothing”.

Then you met her online, and you felt “so happy” and you wanted to “spend my whole life with her”.

You felt so happy and hopeful because you felt so unhappy and hopeless before for a long, long time. You felt useless and not good enough before you met her,  then you felt  useful and good enough for a bit at times when communicating with her, then back to useless and not good enough when she  ignored you. And now, you feel the same as before you met her, once again, and you think that the only way for you to feel useful and  good enough is if she  communicates with you once again.

We all need to feel useful and good enough. We can’t feel okay if we believe that we are useless and not good enough. Your hope is in these beliefs about yourself changing. Your hope, really, is not with her because she  is dishonest with you, she lies, repeatedly.

“I feel like I’m useless, and I feel like I’m not good enough”- this is the problem. These are beliefs you have about yourself that are not true and need to be corrected. You also need some sleep, seems like you don’t get enough sleep.

Tell me, how old where you when you started to believe that  you are useless and not good enough?

anita