Dear Anita

Hope you had a wonderful holiday season and may the new year bring you abundance to fulfill your dreams, courage to shine your rainbow and healing love to brighten the darkness. Thank you for being here for me and for encouraging me to become a better person. I am anxiously awaiting the reviewal of my Rutgers University- School of Engineering application. Although colleges will be on winter break until January 23rd (spring semester starts), the academic admissions offices for colleges will be open tomorrow and I will likely here from Rutgers University- School of Engineering in three to five business days after January 2nd. I am disappointed that I didn’t receive the grade that I wanted in Chemistry II for Fall 2018 semester and I’m still wondering how a D on my transcript will affect my chances of getting into Rutgers. All of my other grades are good, I have 12 As, 3 B+s and Chemistry II is my only D. A D grade is passing, but it will not transfer to Rutgers and I need two semesters of Chemistry for Rutgers University- School of Engineering. I meet all the other requirements for the School of Engineering because my GPA is 3.7 and I have most of the courses required. The only requirement I don’t meet is that there should be no Ds or Fs on the transcript. I am thinking of taking Chemistry II again in the summer to boost my grade, but it’s offered in the 2nd summer five week from 6/26-8/1 and for a successful transfer to a four year university, it’s recommended that students have already completed their courses at their former college before August because enrollment begins in Fall 2019 which is the semester I’m looking to attend a four year university and the month of August is usually the time the admissions offices of colleges are planning for new student orientations for those students who will enroll in the fall so it will look strange if I’m accepted into Rutgers for Fall 2019, but I am still taking classes at Ocean County College and this may delay my enrollment because I still have courses to submit for my transcript. But I don’t want to have a D on my transcript either. I thought about taking Chemistry II in the Spring 2019 semester, but cannot fit it into my already packed schedule. I’m thinking of talking to my college advisors when winter break is over on January 23rd, but I’m anxious about things. The good thing is that I have completed my applications and FAFSA ahead of the deadline dates so it’s less work for me. I am glad that the new year has arrived. I hope to work on healing myself and also increasing my confidence. I want to improve on person-to-person conversations because I find that I tend to be anxious when I’m talking in a in-person conversation with a small group of people. With a small group of people, I feel self-conscious because each person has a good view of the person speaking and there’s a lot of interaction. Strangely, I find that I am better at public speaking with larger groups because then I feel like there isn’t so much scrutiny on me by people because the crowd can cover some of the views of the other people. Although I like having one-on-one discussions with teachers to help me develop a deeper understanding of the material and have a clearer focus, it also makes me self-conscious because all of the attention is on me. In a classroom of students where the teacher can address more students at a time, I feel less self-conscious even though I do learn better through one-person teaching so I often feel conflicted about myself. I think that my self-consciousness comes from me feeling insecure about my appearance. I’m always wondering if the person talking to me thinks I’m stupid or if they see me as the gender I want to be seen as. Sometimes I feel quite introverted because I’m not sure if I know what to say in a situation. People think I’m reserved in person, while I express myself better through writing. I also think that my self-consciousness stems from not being heard at times when I speak my words to others like my parents and it’s a fear of being misunderstood, not believed or ridiculed. Do you have any advice? Thank you so much Anita for your encouragement and I wish you all the best in your life’s endeavors.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Janus.