Hi Shelbyville,

A newcomer to your thread so apologies if I’ve missed something important in only reading the start and latest few posts but your story called out to me having gone through something similar, all be it a long time ago now. I thought it may help to share the light at the end of the tunnel even if it probably isn’t what you want to hear right now.

After the break-up of my first love and real relationship of six years I was exactly where you are, waking up and forgetting it had happened until the weight of it would hit me, unable to cope with more than getting through the basics of living each day. I was totally convinced he would change, we’d be back together as I just couldn’t see how my life went forwards otherwise. But it did, I did and the life I have now makes me so grateful for the learning experience it provided. My life today is so much better, I am such a better and stronger person having survived what to me at the time was the worst possible thing to happen.  I say these things to try and explain as best as anyone can online that there is always a way forwards, it just might not be the one we want it to be at the time.

Re contact with your ex – from experience this didn’t work well for me as we simply weren’t in the same emotional place.  I admire people who can remain friends with their ex’s but believe you both need to give yourselves some space to become your own person again before doing so.  In my case, by contacting my ex I was hoping for the emotional connection and hope for the relationship to continue, he was simply being nice and respecting the long and intense time we had shared together.  This sounds a little like your situation to me. In the end, the contact helped as it brought home to me how the relationship I wanted did not exist. It was painful to go through but also freeing – eventually.

To Mark’s much more succinctly well made point – you owe it to your own future to try a different way forwards, back to the light. It was incredibly hard for me but I was determined, I cut contact and concentrated on looking after myself, focused on staying open to the future. I became my own person finally and in doing so realised all over again why it was the right way forwards for me even though it wasn’t what I wanted at the time.

Realise that was a bit of a ramble but hope it helps you move forwards with courage. My life has been full of both challenges and enriching experiences since, including eventually meeting my soul-mate of 18 years odd now.  These situations are made to give us strength – you can do this.