I understand this is a challenging topic, and would never direct any animosity towards you for asking these difficult questions. I am aware of the significance and am thankful for your candid approach. The advice you have given in other threads has resonated with me and I sense you have a good rational outlook. Thank you Anita for sticking with me.

Shame and emotional blackmail were common themes amongst the daily arguments. It was only when you mentioned though, in your above post, that I was able to identify these. My memory is seriously hazy, it’s almost as if I have blocked out a lot of this. I met with my sister for a good “heart to heart” yesterday. We had a very good talk which I found therapeutic. It was long overdue. I am really glad we had the chance to discuss what happened.  My sister told me that when I moved out, things got seriously out of hand with the arguments. She admitted to not feeling nurtured. She was afraid to disturb my Mum, At this time my Mum was sleeping into the afternoon, so when she would come back from school, Mum would still be in bed. I had completely forgotten this until she mentioned it. We agreed that was very depressing to witness. My sister told me Mum would complain that she had to prepare an evening meal for her whilst having to study herself (she attended university as a mature student and was in the middle of her dissertation). My sister felt for her sanity, she needed to move out as the arguments were so intense. I had managed to escape this, by going off to university. But on hearing the account of my sister, I had flashbacks of the difficulties we faced as a household together. I think I need more time to cast my memory back as I am struggling to recall. I do remember one threat she would often make. I once threw the house telephone at her in pure rage. As soon as the phone left my hand it was instant regret. The phone caught my mum in the face. She claimed she had a black eye, and kept threatening to tell people I had struck her. It was very upsetting for me. I don’t remember any other times in my life I have been violent. It was like she just couldn’t let any argument go. I almost think she must have thrived off it because the amount of energy she put into arguing was excessive. She would argue with herself, you would ignore it hoping it would eventually stop, then hours later she would still be going. It was a real test of your patience. There were not many happy moments as a teenager growing up at home. I do have better memories though of primary school. Things just seem to go downhill once we moved onto secondary school. Mum used to constantly remind us that there is only 1 of her. I don’t know what the deeper meaning behind that may have been. She would also remind us that she never remarried, and that it was easy for our father, who got to see us every fortnight for the weekend. My mum was an emotional rollercoaster. Up and down. She could be so sweet, then turn on an instant. I have read that parents often project their own problems onto their children. It was clear Mum had an array of problems, financial, social, family, emotional issues to worry about. I think it all just got to her, and she was unable to cope. Arguing I guess was her way of projecting. Although I am struggling to pinpoint specifics, I have to agree that it has affected me significantly. I always thought to myself that this was not how a “normal” family functions.

As my memory is so poor, I am trying to piece together details from other family members. I hope soon to supplement with further details once they come back to me.