Ben,

I’m 28 years old. I’m not against a relationship, at least not on my conscious level.

I’m not too sure what point you are intending to communicate in the second paragraph. I would love to understand. Please explain.

Why do I want to understand my pain?

I want to understand it because it feels physically painful. When I feel like this, it is incredibly hard to get out of bed and engage in what is meaningful to me. For example, I teach a class and I want to use the day for lesson planing. However, when I’m so engulfed by sadness and anxiety, its very difficult for me take action. I do take action, but it’s hard. I also like to feel inspired when planning for my class and what I want to contribute to my students.

I’m not a very good friend when I don’t feel good inside. This feels different to how I’ve experienced sadness in the past. This feels much more physical.