Dear Nick:

You are welcome!

A retelling of what you shared so far:

Your mother suffered a brain injury four years ago. She is lucid, mobile (with a frame), semi independent, and  otherwise in good health.  She has two care visits every day. You live with he, in a quiet village, having lots of friends and a German Shepherd, and you work  full time. When at home, you look after her. Recently you imagined  her “not being around” and that made  you incredibly anxious, “so I spent  even more  time with Mum and  actually held her hand”.

You have siblings who recently visited you and your mum for Christmas. Your relationships with them is strained. You used to be close to one of your brother who recently (and during Christmas) “hardly talks to us because  we  couldn’t take him in when he was going  through a  challenging period in his life…  his sense of rejection is palpable”. It made you “incredibly sad that as a family we are disconnected”.

You have an uncle who lives in the US as a permanent resident. He invited you to visit  him for a few weeks. Since Christmas, you have “this obsession with moving to the United States because I believe that I  can forge a  better and more fulfilling life.  You are  “constantly watching video diaries of ex-pats who have made the US their home”. You feel “stuck in a constant  cycle of yearning for pastures new but not being able to”. You believe it is “certainly not the right time  to be moving across the  pond”.

You started questioning your skills and abilities and “criticizing myself for not knowing enough in my line of work”, thinking that you would never be accepted in the US because of this perceived lack. Most recently, you jotted down all your skills, abilities and  qualifications and  realized your concerns are unfounded.

And  now my thoughts: I think that  the key sentence is this: “it made me incredibly sad that as a family we were disconnected”. I have more thoughts  but also two questions that are too  important to not be  asked:

1. You wrote: “I spent even more time with Mum and  actually held her hand”, reads like it  was unusual for you to hold  her hand, was it? How did it feel her hand in yours?

2. You wrote: “I’ve  gone back to being a child (temporarily), nothing  wrong with that, perhaps there are wounds that need to be dressed“, dressed or addressed? Can you elaborate on this sentence: how did you go back to  being a child, in what ways, and what wounds are you referring to?

anita