Hi Alexa,

Just reading through your posts now and my conclusion is to cut ties with your dad if he continues to behave so abominably. He sounds like a very bitter man who was obviously totally immature when you were born and has taken out all his frustrations of becoming a parent, when he didn’t want to, on you. It’s easy for people who have never experienced anything like what you have to urge you not to cut ties with your dad because he’s your father, for better or for worse. That is no excuse to continue to have a relationship with someone who has treated you with total contempt all your life.

My wife was in a similar boat with her mum – from an early age her mum would tell her how useless my wife was and was verbally and physically abusive to her throughout her childhood and adolescence, even leaving her sleeping in a urine-stained bed for days or weeks at a time. She definitely fell into the category of ‘narcissistic’ mother and she was regularly comparing my wife to my wife’s sister and younger brother, the ‘golden kids’ in the family who went on to high-flying jobs. My wife took on a fairly respectable career herself but this was never good enough for her mum. On top of her mum’s disrespectful behaviour, the aforementioned ‘golden kids’ have treated my wife with total contempt since she confronted her mum about her abuse. Needless to say, this has had a profound, life-long effect on my wife’s self-esteem and she considered suicide on a couple of occasions. Being fortunate enough to come from a decent family myself, my initial reaction to my wife’s consideration to cut her family out of her life was similar to those people who advised you not to cut ties with your dad, but since I have found out more about what my wife has been through with these truly despicable people I completely understand why she would not want to have anything more to do with them, blood or no blood. She, like you, was convinced for a long time that she deserved the abuse by her mum and has gone through those guilty feelings of cutting ties with family but since she has started to have less and less time with them she has become a much happier person.

Alexa, you come across as a good, decent person and you deserve so much better in life. So, it is time now for you to move on with your husband and start LIVING your own life. You are not responsible for your dad’s, or your mum’s behaviour, and you have given them more than enough chances. Time to focus on yourself and building up your own happiness (and steer clear of all toxic people – only hang out with people who respect you). Also, if it’s any help to you, I’d highly recommend that you check out a great site on YouTube called ‘Rising Higher Meditation’ by Jess Shepherd and the ‘I AM’ affirmations. I don’t know if you do mindfulness meditation (for me it’s been a life-saver) but for anyone suffering with low self-confidence this particular meditation is brilliant for instilling positive thoughts into your head and helping you believe more in yourself.

Hope this helps and I wish you the very best for the future Alexa.

All the best,

Derek.