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Hello everyone,
Just catching up with this now. It sounds like the weekend away is a nice distraction and being by the sea can be quite grounding. I wouldnt worry if you feel like you want to go back to your accomodation or just for a walk by yourself etc as ultimatly that is self care, there are no “shoulds”. If you arent enjoying something thats okay. I think my brain tends to remind me of the past more when I am tired or hungry or just feel “off” so taking care of yourself if those feelings come up is so important for you. I would be scared drinking (and still am now) as unless i am in the 100% right mood it tends to bring up all sad feelings. So I think you are doing the right thing by being designated driver and if you want to drink or dont want to then it is completly your choice. They sound like lovely work mates organising weekends away etc do I really hope it is a nice break for you, even if it is hard at parts.
I agree with what you mean about you KNOWING things but your heart FEELS differently. Its a really hard one as the heart is so strong. For me (and I have struggled with steps forward and back for a few years so its not all plain sailing) is just trying to accept it is what it is. Like every time my mind would bring up a positive thing I would remind it of the facts and try and distract myself whilst at the same time thinking to myself if i always love him with a part of my heart then i cant help it and thats okay. I cant get him back so i need to live my life now, and then think of something to do to distract myself. It is hard as triggers happen all the time and its defo a one step forward, one back process. Another thing that gives me comfort is that you are a different person for knowing your ex, one by your time together and two by the strength, resilience and courage you have trying to move on now- and no one can eliminate that. It will always be there. You also said about not feeling brave or strong, but from your posts you really are. You are actively trying to help yourself and have been doing all the way through.you could of stayed at home and not gone to the weekend away but you have chosen to say yes and go- that in itself shows resilience and courage so you are doing brilliantly. 🙂
Kkasxo- Really sorry to hear things arent so great with you. Therapy can be hard and bring up stuff which can make it seem more raw. Have you got anything nice planned for yourself this weekend? If you feel low maybe do one thing you are putting off and just that little victory (which actually is a huge victory as it is you vs your mind) can make you feel slightly better. For distraction, i listened to thus podcast https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00mb9pkon radio 4 this week – and its not suggesting at all you being a widow- its stories of women who found happiness after losing thier loved ones. For alot of them it was about rediscovering who they were. It was funny and not as sad as it sounds.
In terms of your ex, from what you have said about him here he sounds like a nice, decent person who is trying to help you eg being there when you feel low, flowers, offering to go with you to blood tests. I dont know the trauma between you two, but from an outsider he sounds like one of the good guys. However I may have got the 100% wrong end od the stick as i havent read all the posts on here and also i dont know your and his story/wasnt in the relationship so please ignore that part if I am talking out of turn. I also know how family can help to make or break a relationship and how hard it can be going to family stuff when there has been water under the bridge. I think its back to what you and Shelby have said all along, there is not a magic right answer, its what works for you.
SBack to this weekend, I really hope you are okay. If you want to relax, eat chocolate and veg out watching tv thats okay, you have to take care of you. One thing I tend to do when feeling low is reading an uplifting book or going on Marc and Angel website or Lone Wolf website. The Lone Wolf website is good as it has mini quizzes you can do which help you learn more about yourself-its an easy way to pass the time. One last thing, this last christmas i was dreading it so i went and volunteered for the day. I felt terrible waking up but being around new people all day and volunteeing (it was a soup kitchen type thing) got me out of my head and into engaging with others. All of these things are a distraction/way of tiring me out at best but can help pass the time and get to the next day. Take care of yourself this weekend.