Hi Jemma,

I have trust issues, too, even when the person I’m dating has given me no reason to not trust him, and I’ve took a lot of time over the last year to get to the bottom of them. So maybe my experience will help you, too. I had a boyfriend when I was younger that cheated on me quite a lot, and I kept going back to him anyway. Over the years, I’d assumed my trust issues came from that experience, but when I dug deeper, I realized that it probably wasn’t that because he was someone you would expect to cheat… his dad was a cheater, his friends all cheated on their girlfriends, etc., so what he did wasn’t really a surprise and I stayed because I was young and stupid. haha.  I found out that my trust issues actually stem from the instances where people you would never, ever think would cheat end up cheating. My mom, a good, Christian woman with a strict moral compass, cheated on my dad.  My sister, same moral compass, cheated on her husband. I’ve had friends who I never thought would cheat that did. I think these are the things that hurt trust the most because you feel like you can just never tell and no how many times someone might assure you that they won’t, they still could.

So… what I’ve learned is that there is no magical formula to be able to trust. There is ALWAYS going to be a risk there because we are all humans, but if you find someone who is loyal, have faith in them and know that they’re worth that risk. The only thing that has kept my faith in loyalty is knowing how I am, which is loyal to practically a fault. There are people out there who deserve our trust, and if you have been with your boyfriend for a long time and he’s never really given you any reason not to trust him, then have faith that he will keep doing the right thing…. especially if he doesn’t tend to put himself in situations where he would be tempted.

I’ve also learned intuition can play a part on helping you decide whether you are right not to trust someone or if it’s your trust issues acting up. If you have a thought or feeling like someone is potentially betraying you and feel a fear in the pit of your stomach that gives you anxiety, that likely isn’t intuition, it’s your fear/ego making you mistrust. If you have a thought of betrayal and you still somehow feel calm, like it’s there but it’s something that is supposed to happen, that’s intuition.