Dear Anita,

You are right.  I do need to create a scenario, and practice – here with you.  I will think about this now and through the weekend.  As at this time, I do not have the correct mindset to approach it.

Speaking of, I know now that some days our mindset allows us to approach certain topics/situations, and sometimes not.  If we are able to – and we can – we should protect ourselves and approach accordingly – to create less distress.

So today – thinking about my sister feels foreign, I will approach it when my mind is ready.

Today is a very cold day here, perhaps the coldest of the year.  Interesting as I have always dreaded winter and these cold days, as of course when you are already feeling low, the cold does not help.  I look back at feeling worse during the winter often, and thriving in the sun.  I look back and felt that the winter was to blame often.

I see that sure the winter may exacerbate feeling down or low, for just about anyone – but surely it is not to blame.

It always felt external all of it Anita.  I feel this way, because of this person, this situation, what they DID to me, what this made me feel like, because of the weather, because of many things.

But like my post yesterday, It is news to me that I actually do have control over myself and approach to life.  What a concept!

It is interesting, taking N out of my life – I ended up actually having to block her by the way, as she was shameless in her texting and “fake” interest in my life in random spurt when convenient to her – and just the sight of her meaningless flakey messages added toxicity I did not need.

So taking someone like this out of my life, not someone instrumental in it, but someone there in my life for many years in some form – even not a large form – creates space.

I feel a small amount – 1 percent – increase of space.  I am appreciative of this one percent increase of space.  I am glad that it serves as a reminder.  When we remove toxicity, space returns in a different form.

It returns, and we may not be aware of it – but even without our consent, energy and space come and go.  They slip away when we don’t have strong boundaries, and they return when our boundaries remain intact.