Reina. You’re not doing anything wrong you are doing the best you can with the knowledge and understanding that you have at this time. Perhaps you could forge new relationships new friendships? I’m hearing rejection from those closest to you although I doubt that they are consciously pushing you away, people have lives to lead, jobs to fulfil and various commitments as I’m sure you do. You mention childhood and your reluctance to talk about your early years just yet but the fact that you mentioned your childhood in passing is very telling.

I’m sorry to hear of your friend’s passing (I lost a friend two weeks ago, we lost touch for a few years, it is painful to say the least), that’s a lot to take in and process. You need time to grieve as well as come to terms with the end of your relationship with your boyfriend. Keep up with your studies but make time for yourself, there is nothing wrong with Netflix! I call it escapism and I am a self confessed film nut!.

Put the stick away, you’re not dull, you’re going through a difficult period in your life. Have you spoken to your Mum and Sister and explained how you are really feeling? I hope you don’t mind but here is a poem written by Max Ehrmann that may resonate with you and your struggles:

Desiderata.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.