Everything always feels off balance

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    my friend recently passed away, im not over my ex boyfriend who i broke up with 9 months ago, my mother and I are constantly fighting, my sisters and friends never think of me or involve me in anything. I always find myself outcasted and alone, theres nothing that I enjoy doing im always home watching netflix or studying. My life just keeps spiraling down. I always try to hang out with my sisters and friends but they have their excuses and never make it up to me. I really dont understand what im doing wrong or how my life became this way. How i became so weak and dull. How do people never think of me or want to be around me? When i see them with other people all the time. Why cant I be happy? Why cant I enjoy my own company?


    Dear Reina:

    It is a very difficult experience, to find oneself “outcasted and alone”, to be rejected by others, to not be included in social activities with others. We need the company of other people because we are social animals. To have the company of friendly people who treat us well, as we treat them well, that is a wonderful thing, it comforts us, calms us.

    I understand you live with your mother and sisters, anyone else?

    If you would like, share more about your home life, your relationship with your mother, the fighting, your experience at home when you were a young child and how it changed since. If you do I will read what you share when I am back at the computer in about sixteen hours from now and reply to you then. I hope other members will answer this thread and the other one that you started today.



    I live with my mother and 2 sisters and thats all, i dont feel comfortable talking about my past or childhood right now. I want to make the present and future better.



    Grieving the loss of a friend and a relationship along with not feeling supported or included will make me feel quite depressed.  I would give yourself some grace and time, painful as it may feel now.

    You are not feeling any joy in the activities you are doing.  I think that is natural for that is what grief does to us.  I caution you to judge yourself as being weak and dull.  I also caution you to generalizing that “people never think of me or want to be around me.”  There will be others who do and they have not found you yet or you with them.

    I suggest meditation, exercise and getting out in nature to make part of your life.  This will help nurture you.  Get online support such as here as well.

    I remind myself whenever I am feeling lost or experiencing something crappy in my life, that everything is temporary and this too shall pass.



    Dear Reina:

    You wrote: “I don’t feel comfortable talking about my past or childhood right now. I want to make the present and future better”-

    I am glad you are assertive to state what you are not willing to do here, but I suggest you do talk about your past and childhood someplace else where you will be more comfortable, best would be in psychotherapy with a good therapist. If you don’t, your past will continue to severely interfere with your present and future.

    You shared in your various threads that in the past two years you have no friends, no boyfriend and you are “extremely desperate to the point where it shows”, desperate to have friends and a boyfriend. You also shared that you have no idea why this is so: “I have no idea what went wrong”. You wrote:  “I’m always the one trying to make plans with people, I’m always ignored, talked  over, never invited to anything anywhere”. Even your two younger sisters ignore you.

    You shared that you met a guy Aug 2017 but the month after, Sept, he ghosted you. Oct he texted you to “stay the f*** away from him”, Dec he started texting you again, Feb 2017 you went out on a date with him for the first time. In March “things got way deeper, very deep” and in April he was “very distant and vague”, and “hell broke loose” for you, you “cried 24/7 and just begged”, but he “never wanted to get back and ghosted you again.

    Currently, nine months later, you are still not over this man. You live with your mother and your two younger sisters. Your mother and you “are constantly fighting” and your sisters and friends keep ignoring you. You spend your time watching movies and studying.

    You wrote: “I really don’t understand what I’m doing wrong or how my life became this way”-

    Better learn so that you understand. How can you possibly make your present and future better if you are in the dark, understanding nothing?


    • This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by anita.

    Reina. You’re not doing anything wrong you are doing the best you can with the knowledge and understanding that you have at this time. Perhaps you could forge new relationships new friendships? I’m hearing rejection from those closest to you although I doubt that they are consciously pushing you away, people have lives to lead, jobs to fulfil and various commitments as I’m sure you do. You mention childhood and your reluctance to talk about your early years just yet but the fact that you mentioned your childhood in passing is very telling.

    I’m sorry to hear of your friend’s passing (I lost a friend two weeks ago, we lost touch for a few years, it is painful to say the least), that’s a lot to take in and process. You need time to grieve as well as come to terms with the end of your relationship with your boyfriend. Keep up with your studies but make time for yourself, there is nothing wrong with Netflix! I call it escapism and I am a self confessed film nut!.

    Put the stick away, you’re not dull, you’re going through a difficult period in your life. Have you spoken to your Mum and Sister and explained how you are really feeling? I hope you don’t mind but here is a poem written by Max Ehrmann that may resonate with you and your struggles:


    Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
    As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
    Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
    even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

    Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
    If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

    Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
    it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
    Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
    But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
    many persons strive for high ideals,
    and everywhere life is full of heroism.

    Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
    for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
    Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
    But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

    Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
    You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
    no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
    And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
    keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
    it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

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