Dear Anita,

This is the narrative. The observation is the following. I will get annoyed if I get side tracked. My husband will. When all week we set ourselves up to a task – and it became disrupted.

If I believered her coming over would in fact disrupt it, then she had no business coming over. But I didn’t believe that. I knew it would be okay.

When she did arrive there could have been a few situations that got us side tracked. Her talk about a new dog and going on about that. I nipped it. I helped redirect and focus a few times. It was my task so I stuck to it. If I got distracted by her whims. Well then that’s on me too. I held strong as an adult. Didn’t turn into a silly child like I usually would have. Sitting there joking and talking about dogs while my husband sat there waiting for us to get back on track – or simply getting annoyed. Nope. A foolish child does that.

I felt good having control. Over my own self. And situation. See the goal here was not to help her or change her or anything about her. It was just some time spent together. We were doing something important while she was over. And I did not let her take away. I did not jump into her life. I was not burdened by a need to help. And I was not guilty. She cane and she left. In between I directed her. We were focusing on something and if there was a big distraction (dogs creating ruckus in the other room) I let her handle it. I didn’t handle it myself and then feel resentful and snap and then feel guilty. A vicious cycle. Nope. I also didn’t feel annoyed that she doesn’t have the foresight to get up and do something like that when she sees others are trying to focus. No she’s focused on having fun. Well that’s fine.  It I said go do this. She did. All was well.

Lastly – when she state she was heading home. It was ok. Normal. Late and everyone’s tired. That’s it. More is not better. She did not need to stay longer it would benefit no one. The evening was fine and it was now over. More is not better. Honor what is needed and honor space and rest.