Hi Kat,

Just a pointer from someone who knows depression/anxiety first hand.

It sounds to me like he might’ve asked to remain friends for now not because he literally wants to be friends or is not interested in you. Instead, the pressure of having to ‘contact you more often’ or ‘initiate dates’ could’ve got a bit too much for him.. Also, speaking of trauma is not easy. Personally, as bizzare as it may sound, I often find that once I have discussed my trauma with anyone I go into complete shut down mode and distance myself from the person. I can’t explain it. I don’t even really want to distance myself from that person but it is just what happens, perhaps out of shame? Who knows! There is also a lot of questioning of people being genuine towards you.. and your brain can quite often convince you they are not even if they are!

I think IF you see a future with this person and you would indeed like to pursue a deeper connection with him it is important to be open, honest, completely heart on your sleeve but also set boundaries. Arrange for a conversation to take place in which you can tell him exactly what you said here. That you believe and feel you two have a deeper connection and you would like to see more of him on a romantic level etc AND that his request to remain friends whilst sending you mixed messages, dates, constant contact etc is confusing and hurtful to you and probably not something you’ll be able to continue for the long haul.

Good luck! I hope it works out for you!