Dear Robi1992:

If you keep your life the way it is, waiting, procrastinating, you will have feel-good moments, “I like going out, drinking and talking to all kinds of people.. I feel good while I do that.. I go for a run on the beach, I go to parties... or I simply forget about all the problems and act like everything is fantastic“, but you will continue to have lots and lots of feel-bad moments, “but at the end of the day I start crying because I don’t accomplish anything”.

What I italicized above are things that you do that are easy for you to do. So you do them. On the other hand, applying for employment is hard, so you procrastinate what is difficult to do. Some people find it very hard to run and easy, in comparison, to look for work, so they look for work and avoid running.

If you do what is hard for you to do, it will feel badly, but as you persist, a new good feeling will appear, and that is a sense of pride in yourself, something like: wow, I made it! It was so hard, but I persisted and persisted, no  matter how hard, and I made it!

Chase that good feeling, the I-made-it good feeling, this is where hope is, hope for you, in that feeling.

anita