Morning all.  No worries about enjoying my time here, it’s idyllic so far. We have 7 weeks yet of exploring ( long story involving embracing change…. ) so no worries on not having enough time and it’s nice to chat and help, it’s part of my giving back more aim so actually you are all helping me too!

It’s interesting, how different people see value in different things eh. Personally I would have not enjoyed receiving flowers at work at all as there’s minimal thought and effort in that from my perspective.  In fact, those kind of gestures to me can often be more about show for other people. Whereas rose plants that will live to flower year after year and will last a lifetime, way more interesting and personal, like the cable tidy.  I think NextSteps makes a good point – a lot of people easily fall into the trap of wanting things that media/friends/society says you should want and value instead of actually thinking about it yourself. You already know I’m not a big believer in VD day, so commercial and not personal at all. But what I would take from your experience is just to recognise that envy for your colleague is just a sign of wanting something you don’t currently have in your life. A helpful confirmation of sorts…..!

Related, I once read a good piece on the five different ways/styles people express and want to receive love and how mixed the signals can be if you don’t understand and acknowledge the different styles. E.g.  some people need to hear the words “I love you” whereas for some it’s a hug/kiss etc etc – worth looking up and reading about.  I wondered if it related to your “What I didn’t get from the relationship was a sense of how much I meant to that person in an apparent way. I could feel he loved me, but he didn’t display it in grand gestures or romantic ways, he did it every day in kind and thoughtful ways”.  It may be as “simple” as you both expressing and wanting to receive love in different ways.

I am curious though about your next sentence – “But I did not get the level of security I wanted and I didn’t get the joint excitement and anticipation of planning a future together”. If you could feel he loved you, what kind of ‘security’ did you want that the love you felt did not give you?  As the famous saying goes, the only thing guaranteed ( i.e. totally secure ) in life is death and taxes.  What security was missing that you think you should have had? Was it something as simple as you wanted to get married and he didn’t? And if so, what about being married would have made you feel any more secure than already being in a loving relationship??  Again, it’s so easy to fall into society expectations that you “should” be married else it isn’t a committed relationship – whereas you can as easily have far more committed relationships without marriage as with.  I think it would help you to work out what kind of security you thought you were missing so as not to just repeat this loop again in the future, either with this guy or another. Security afterall comes from within, not from other people, it’s from being at peace with who you are, working on your hopes and dreams but also knowing you can deal with whatever life throws at you.

And regards the ” lacking the joint excitement and anticipation of planning a future together”. I can get this one as it’s a big part of being a team afterall. Was it that you just never talked about future plans, dreams, hopes or that you both had different things in mind that you wanted and so couldn’t plan them together? What did you want and what did he want – how did you both see yourselves in five years time??